Every time I make a cake.. I end up a sweaty mess and tell myself I will just buy one next year. Yet making a birthday cake for my child is something I waited a long time to do. It's not the baking but the frosting that frustrates me. I even bought a decorating bag. No gadgets can help me. I did make homemade butter-cream frosting and I think we ate more than we frosted with. Livi is thrilled with her cake.. Purple & Pink just like she wanted. She is easy to please. So just like my Mom would ask me.. I asked Livi what she wanted for her Birthday feast. I told her I would cook her anything at all. She need only ask. She asked for a kid cuisine Tv dinner. I thought for sure she would request Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken & broccoli..... her typical favorite. I guess when I was that age TV dinners were exciting. I remember requesting frozen pot pies. Today I would request Pot Roast or her Fried Chicken... keep that in mind Mom.. My Birthday is coming up.


Tomorrow my little girl turns Five...... she is growing up so fast.

We have had a rough month with Livi. Big changes on the home-front with Mama working and Daddy staying home were enough to justify some of the behaviors. Then HINI flu and four immunizations added to the crankiness. Cutting out her after school 3-5 nap is also taking a toll on her. John & I try our best to come together and to be a consistent team.... we struggle with this... he often wants to take items away from her and to be punitive. I usually am trying to delve deeper but I also have my less than stellar moments. I call everyday at lunch and hear in his voice how his day had been. For once he is getting the brunt of it. I am happy to be at work. He gets it now. I can't explain it. She is so persistent. She will fight to the death to defend a issue. Reverse psychology and all that you would do with a homegrown kiddo fails to work on Liv. It's like she is in self preservation mode.

John is way more patient than I am , while I am more nurturing. It is really hard to balance. She could spend an entire day in time out for her recent behavior. We are trying to turn the other cheek and trying not to feel like we are being too indulgent. I brought out the star wallet- a positive reinforcement picture reminder program. We are trying all the positive tools in our toolbox. Everyone tells me that it will get better and to be honest... it just seems to get worse and more intense the older she gets. For the past month screaming, crying, fits, defiance have been a daily occurrence. Not pushing buttons but jumping on them. The highs & lows of her emotions worry me.Obviously she does not handle changes very well. And I know this is a big change for any child. So we are just trying to make sense of it all.


Now suddenly.... she is doing a little better. It like she just up & decided she was ready. Just the typical stuff that only a few days ago would cause major tantrums. Now I am getting " Ok Mommy" and " I love you Mommy" and " anything for you Mommy". I am so pleased with her behavior and am doing everything I can to encourage her. I am also spending as much time as I can with her. She seems to be more secure with the fact that I am working. Her Birthday is in two days and we keep talking up that she will soon be a big five year old. It makes me nervous to think that her routine is just going to change again once John works and she attends daycare.

I am just so happy that for today she is happy, pleasant and peaceful... I will take whatever good I can get

The last new coat I purchased was in 2001. I usually buy a quality wool/cashmere coat and that will last me years. My old coat is pretty well worn and the lining is ripped. I have been coveting a few Jcrew coats, but it is not in the budget at this time... sigh. Old navy has some lovely coats on sale.. beautiful jewel tones and the princess shapes I have been wanting. Burgundy is one of my fav colors.... but they just looked horrible on. I don't do well with Old Navy's outerwear sizing. I was in between sizes. I wanted a dress coat with princess seams. I really wanted this one... but they don't have my size. I found a look alike from Victoria's secret new on ebay and it fits perfect. It is very flattering. Squee... now I need accessories

Napping house is my very Favorite Children's book... anyway...It's after 3.30 and everyone is sleeping...everyone but me... apparently it was one of those days again.

I'm off today, home with Livi. For a few hours I was wishing to go to work, crazy as that sounds. Livi has been ultra naughty and it is taking everything to turn the other cheek and remain positive. We are working her star wallet again. She is just so defiant. I swear I could tell her we were going to Disney world and she would argue that they were not open. Everything is a battle and I do mean everything. I told her that I was planning a special Mommy & Livi day and when I brought up a few movies.. she nit picked and argued that they were not in the theaters yet. Lets just say I am not in the mood for a movie anymore.We are trying to turn it around. I wish I knew why she was so oppositional. Everything is extreme these days... you just tap her accidently and she is all " OUCH... owwie... you hurt me... you broke my arm".... same thing with school and social sensitivity issues are a part of her IEP.


I am trying to get ready for her party and I had this idea of making my own Hannah Nebraska candy bar wrappers.... how hard can it be right? well it's hard... for me at least. 1.5 hours on the computer this morning and Livi at my side wanting to help and I just walked away frustrated. I am just trying to save money. John was all.." I thought the whole point of having the party at a location was so we did not have to do anything".... silly John. I still need to provide our themed items. I am thinking of not doing much for a preschool party, since her friends will be attending the weekend party. It just gets to be too much... party at school, a little celebration with Mom & Dad on Tuesday and then her official Saturday party. I just can't do that many goodie bags & cupcakes and how many parties does a kid need?


So John has two more interviews today. He was overqualified for the job yesterday but they are keeping him in mind for another position. I have a good feeling about today's interview. I am praying he will be offered a job by next week.

I sure hope John gets a job soon... he is at his interview as I type this up. He is going stir crazy at home, tethered to the laptop. He is constantly checking for jobs. The last thing I want to do is to be critical of John. But I can't help seeing what is not done around the house. Everything is sticky, the house smells like Ass, and we are all cranky. It's frustrating for us all. I know he is doing his best... cleaning has always been one of the areas in which we are vastly different... think Martha Stewart married to Homer Simpson..LoL. not that John is like Homer Simpson. He is just gonna love me for that comparison.


Livi has been a terror. Feeding off the tension I am sure. She is getting up with me at 5.30 ish... she hears me and no matter how quiet I am- she wakes up. The time change has messed with her schedule.We are cutting out naps at our Peds recommendation. He said the fluctuating nap schedules can exacerbate night terrors. She is ultra cranky and is falling asleep at 3.30 every day. Keeping her up is a huge battle, but at least she is in bed by 7 every night, but like I said.. up at 5.30.

Livi tells me that Daddy lets her watch Tv all day. She names all the shows that I won't let her watch. I have rules about the TV and what shows she can watch... some cartoons are highly inappropriate these days... she can watch from 7-9am and then briefly before school from 12.30-12.40, and just a 30 minute program in the evening with an occasional movie or something thrown in. Livi needs much direction and redirection with play...it takes a little work and the Tv is just another distraction for her.


Good news about my job... I think..nothing is set in stone it seems. I was worried about having to drive back & forth all the time ( 25 miles for one loop)... a few times each day. Turns out I will just stay put at court on M-W-Th's and then have Tue/Fri office days. This makes me very happy. It is nice to have a few days of reprieve from the longer drive.


We still are uninsured... my work insurance may not kick in until Jan 1st... Uggh

Livi is trying so hard to master the jump rope....she kind jumps and twirls the rope all at the same time. As the rope reaches her feet she is landing and frustrated she did not jump over it. She will get it, She is very persistent.